


The Monocled Rake

by Dimity Blue (Arnie)



Category: You Rang M'Lord?
Genre: Community: unconventionalcourtship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 11:50:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arnie/pseuds/Dimity%20Blue
Summary: SecretsA spy for his brother's Union Jack Rubber Company, the Honourable Teddy Meldrum must foster his notoriety as a rake as a front for his secret activity.PassionRose, newly appointed maid to Madge Cartwright, knows only the Honourable Teddy's rakeish reputation. She’s unprepared for his surprise proposal of marriage – and the way her body responds to him!Espionage!Burning rubber turns to disaster for Teddy and Rose, and rumours and whisperings rear their ugly heads. Who is the shadow following Rose's every move? Just what is this monocled man hiding?





	The Monocled Rake

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Unconventional Courtship 2017 challenge on Dreamwidth.
> 
> Summary adapted from Anne O'Brien's The Enigmatic Rake.

"Tiddles!"

The Honourable Teddy Meldrum raised his newspaper higher in a vain attempt to hide behind it.

"Tiddles!" The sitting room door opened. "Ah, there you are!"

Teddy lowered the newspaper to glare at his brother's face. "I hate it when you call me Tiddles; you always want something when you do that!"

"No, I don't!" George had the infernal nerve to look hurt. "I often call you Tiddles."

"Yes, when you want something. What do you want, George?"

"Nothing! Nothing!" George took up a stance in front of the fireplace. "Anything interesting in the newspaper?"

Teddy folded the newspaper and put it to one side. "What are you up to, George?"

"Nothing! Ah, cocktails."

Stokes, George's butler, carried a White Lady over to Teddy and Teddy took a sip to fortify himself. George had always been a terrible liar.

"Hello, Daddy. Hello, Uncle Teddy." Poppy, George's daughter, came in and accepted a glass from Stokes. "Did you ask Uncle Teddy, Daddy?"

"Ha, I knew it!" Teddy usually liked being right but he suspected he wasn't going to like this.

George looked cross. "No, not yet." He gave Teddy a forced smile. "Tiddles..."

Teddy finished his cocktail and gestured for another.

"We're having a dinner party tomorrow night and I need you to escort Madge Cartwright for me."

"No!" Teddy sat bolt upright in his shock, but he managed to wait until Stokes had left the room. "Not Madge Cartwright!"

"But she's potty about you!" George said.

"And she's got pots of money!" Poppy put in.

"I don't care - I won't do it." Teddy drank his second White Lady. Madge Cartwright! It was enough to give anyone nightmares.

"It'll only be for one evening, Tiddles," George said. "All you have to do is go to her home, have a drink with her and her friends, then escort them all back here for dinner. Simple!"

The second White Lady gave Teddy strength. "Why can't you do it?" he demanded.

"Ah, well... I've got the bishop coming and I have to be here to entertain him."

"And Lady Agatha!" Poppy put in, a mischievous look on her pretty face.

Teddy glowered at them both - not that George paid any attention. "I knew it! Is Sir Rafe away again? I suppose Agatha will be taken ill again and have to spend the night."

"No, no, I'm sure she'll be fine," George said, though his ears turned pink. "And Sir Rafe's away in Scotland."

"If he finds out you've been canoodling with his wife, he won't stay in Scotland. And what'll you do then, hey?"

George looked uncomfortable. "I haven't been canoodling with his wife! I haven't been canoodling with anyone!" As the gong sounded in the hall, George hurried to the door. "Time for dinner."

~~~

To Teddy's annoyance, the next afternoon saw George making veiled threats about his allowance and talking about sending Teddy to oversee the rubber plantations in Malaya. Since Teddy was, unfortunately, forced to depend on George's allowance and Malaya was even further afield than Madge Cartwright's flat in Mayfair, Teddy was forced to go to her home in order to escort her and her friends back.

"Bally nuisance!" he complained as he got into the Rolls.

"Yes, sir." James, their loyal footman, shut the car door and got into the driver's seat.

Teddy gazed at the back of James's head. "I don't know why I have to go and collect them! They know the way! Madge Cartwright's here all the bally time!"

"Yes, sir."

"It's a bally imposition!"

"Yes, sir."

"And don't say 'Yes, sir'; it's annoying!"

"No, sir."

Teddy's ill-humour was still in place by the time they reached Madge's flat and James opened the car door for him. "If I'm not out within half an hour, come in and rescue..." Teddy's words trailed off as the front door of Madge's home opened and the most beautiful girl Teddy had ever seen bobbed a curtsey to him. She was perfect; from the top of her frizzy-haired head to the tips of her sensible shoes, she was a heavenly vision in a housemaid's uniform.

Teddy grasped James's arm. "Have I died and gone to heaven?"

"I don't think so, sir," James replied. "This is Miss Cartwright's abode."

~~~

Rose gave another quick curtsey as the Honourable Teddy approached. It was no wonder Miss Cartwright was potty about him, she thought. He looked ever so dashing with his dark hair and eyes, and wide smile. He was just like Douglas Fairbanks in _The Black Pirate_ , only he was dressed for dinner and had a monocle.

He reached the doorway and astonished Rose by taking her hand. "Who are you?"

"Oh, sir! I'm Rose."

"Rose..." He held her hand tighter. "You're like a rose with your shiny scrubbed face and the scent of carbolic soap."

"Oh, sir!" No one had ever talked to Rose in such a way before. Not even the butcher's boy who'd offered her a sausage. Rose felt her knees tremble.

"Rose, is that - oh, Teddybear, you're here!"

Rose hurriedly stepped back as Miss Cartwright swooped in.

"Take his coat, Rose! A new maid, you know, Teddy. They just don't know anything. Now, come and meet my friends."

As they passed into the drawing room, the Honourable Teddy's eyes met hers, and Rose knew he, too, felt it as they were torn apart like doomed lovers, leaving Rose with his overcoat and the memory of his hand holding hers.

~~~

"Now, Teddybear, this is my old school chum, Florence Abernathy, and her fiance, Reginald Shufflebottom."

Teddy dragged his mind away from the beautiful Rose. It was made easier when Florence crushed his hand by way of a handshake. A tall, solid-looking woman, Teddy could easily see Madge being best friends with her. He suspected they'd teamed up during hockey in order to terrify the wits out of anyone opposing them. Shufflebottom, though, Shufflebottom looked familiar.

"Teddy! I saw you last week at that ghastly bore of a board meeting. How d'you do."

Teddy gave a few strangled noises as his hand was crushed anew. Shufflebottom, of course. Shufflebottom Rubber was making a spirited bid to acquire the controlling interest in the Union Jack Rubber Company, the Meldrum family business. George had insisted the whole family attend the board meeting in a show of solidarity. Now, what was George up to inviting this particular Shufflebottom to dinner?

"Excellent." Shufflebottom said, showing his teeth in a rather fake smile.

"Cocktail, Teddybear?" Madge said.

Teddy turned to find Rose at his elbow, a large silver tray in her work-roughened hands. "I'll say. Thank you, Rose."

As the angel in his vision blushed, Madge's voice cut in. "That'll do, Rose. Leave the tray there."

The angel disappeared through the doorway and Teddy wished he could go with her.

"So, how are things in the rubber industry?" Shufflebottom asked, his too perfect teeth gleaming in the electric light.

"Tophole!" Teddy declared, who didn't have a clue. "Making some new rubber thingummies. Going to be very popular!"

"Ah, is that so?" Shufflebottom's smile appeared again. "I got the impression your company was in trouble."

"Not at all! George - my brother, you know - knows what's what."

"But it's not what you know, it's who."

"What?" Teddy was lost. Were they still talking about rubber?

"Oh, never mind that," Madge put in. "We have to go or we'll be late for your brother."

"Of course." Shufflebottom put his glass to one side. "Maybe we can talk business later, old chap."

~~~

Thoughts of Rose distracted Teddy for most of the evening, and it wasn't until George was passing the port to the bishop that Teddy came back to himself.

"...plain little thing, but Teddy didn't seem to think so, did you, Tedders?"

"What?" Tedders? You'd think there was something wrong with his name the way everyone refused to use it. Not that Teddy had invited Shufflebottom to use his name. He was rather a pushy blighter. Teddy wouldn't put it past him to start using George's name.

"Madge's maid," Shufflebottom said. "A plain little thing. Not worth kissing in the hall."

Shufflebottom laughed and Teddy fought the urge to push his perfect teeth down his throat.

"Uh, uh, never mind that," George said, giving Teddy a disapproving look as though Teddy had kissed Rose in the hall. "How's business?"

"Passable, passable." Shufflebottom lit his cigar. "I believe you're making new rubber thingummies. Going to be very popular according to Tedders."

"Oh, yes. The new thingummies. Yes. They're very popular."

"Yes, that's what Tedders said."

Teddy looked from one to the other. He had the impression they were facing off over something.

Shufflebottom showed his teeth in what Teddy thought was supposed to be a smile. "Tedders must come and play golf with me."

George showed his teeth too. "Teddy likes playing golf. Don't you, Teddy? He'll be delighted."

Teddy wasn't so sure. Not that he was getting the opportunity to answer.

"Splendid. Shall we say tomorrow at ten, then? I'll take you in my car, Tedders." Shufflebottom seemed to be taking it as a done deal.

"Excellent." George bared his teeth again. "You must come back for lunch afterwards."

"Actually, I'm rather busy -" Teddy began.

"No, you're not," George interrupted. "You'll enjoy golfing with Shufflebottom."

The sheer cheek of it all kept Teddy silent for most of the evening. He was fuming. Who did George think he was to order Teddy around like this?

It wasn't until their guests had left and they all retired for bed that Teddy got an explanation. Teddy was sitting up in his bed and had just removed his monocle when, much to his surprise, someone knocked on his door.

"Come in!" he called, then he scowled at the sight of his brother. "What do you want, George? Haven't you ordered me around enough tonight?"

"I need to explain." George came in, turned around, looked out of the door, then shut it carefully.

"Why are you doing that?" Teddy demanded.

"I need to make sure nobody's listening," George said very quietly as he crossed the room and sat in Teddy's chair.

"Ha! You don't want anyone to hear you apologise!"

George's ears turned pink again. "I am sorry I interrupted you at dinner but I need your help."

"How can I help you by playing golf with Shufflebottom? I wouldn't be surprised if he's an absolute bounder." Teddy was still incensed over his remarks about Rose.

"You might be right, Teddy! Shufflebottom's up to something and I need to know where he's getting his information from."

"He's probably been talking to Lavvy. You know what a blabbermouth she is!" Teddy was quite fond of George's mother-in-law, Lavender, but she was completely divorced from reality and had a habit of confiding in anyone and everyone.

"I wish you wouldn't call her that. Anyway, this isn't information Lavender would know. This is about the factory. And it's important."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Get close to Shufflebottom. Get to know who his friends are."

Teddy sat bolt upright. "You're just trying to get me to spend more time with Madge Cartwright! It won't work, George! I won't marry her!"

"Tiddles, if you do this for me, I'll never ask you to marry Madge Cartwright again. In fact, do this and you may marry whom you like."

Teddy put his monocle back in place in order to get a better look at his brother. He was serious. "I'll do it!"

"Good." George got up and went to the door. "You have to be careful though. Shufflebottom can't know what we're up to."

"You can rely on me, George."

As soon as George had gone, Teddy put his monocle to one side and lay back in bed. Spying on Shufflebottom would afford him plenty of chances to get close to his beautiful Rose too. He closed his eyes and drifted happily into sleep, his dreams full of Rose bringing him golf balls.

~~~

"Ah, Tedders. Excellent. Right on time."

Teddy put his clubs into the back seat of Shufflebottom's car and gave him a fake smile. "Yes, I'm looking forward to this. It's good to get out for a bit."

"Then back in time for lunch. Let's hope I don't get stuck in the sandpit or we'll be late." Shufflebottom gave a hearty laugh.

Teddy repressed a shudder as he got into the passenger seat. It wasn't done to be so lively in the morning. Shufflebottom probably ate beef for breakfast too.

"I told the girls we'd pick them up on the way. I haven't played against Madge before, just my Flo."

"What? I didn't know we'd be collecting the girls!" Teddy felt annoyed at being manipulated into spending more time with Madge Cartwright, then he realised it meant he could see Rose again and his annoyance lessened slightly.

"It'll be fun, Tedders! We'll have a jolly foursome." Shufflebottom gave him a wide grin.

Teddy slid down in his seat and folded his arms. He knew the morning was going to be a disaster.

~~~

Rose opened the door to Mr. Shufflebottom then froze as her eyes saw the face she'd dreamt of all night. "Mr. Teddy!"

He smiled and opened his mouth, his hand reaching for hers, and Rose thought she was surely dreaming again, until reality rudely intruded using Mr. Shufflebottom's voice.

"Move along there, Tedders!"

Mr. Teddy was pushed to one side, and Mr. Shufflebottom appeared. Rose felt herself blush at the knowing look he gave her. Susan, her fellow maid, called Mr. Shufflebottom handsome, but there was something about him Rose couldn't like, for all his fair good looks and blue eyes. She felt he always seemed to be mocking her.

Rose took their coats and hurried away as Mr. Shufflebottom gave a raucous laugh.

"You've made a conquest there, old boy!"

Was that what she was? A conquest? Rose blinked back her tears as she went through the flat to Miss Cartwright's boudoir to tell her of the gentlemen's arrival. Despite the difficulty, she kept her composure until they'd gone. Although she didn't want to believe it, Mr. Teddy chose to be friends with Mr. Shufflebottom. Susan had said they were friends, had said Mr. Teddy would be marrying Miss Cartwright, and had said he was amusing himself at Rose's expense.

Well, if that was what Mr. Teddy was doing, Rose would have been better off never meeting him.

~~~

Teddy cursed to himself as they left the flat. Dash it all! Rose was upset - probably she'd heard Shufflebottom's comment and taken it to heart. She was probably thinking Teddy was just as bad, being friends with Shufflebottom and all. The worst was, Teddy couldn't tell Shufflebottom to buzz off until he discovered who was passing information to him. Teddy hadn't paid much heed to George and his claims of a spy in their midst, but finding out who would kill three birds with one stone: No more Madge and no more Shufflebottom, leaving Teddy free to court Rose.

As Flo teed off and whacked the ball with surprising strength, Teddy joined in the cries of admiration with an eye to buttering up Shufflebottom, though he didn't have to fake it. Flo's golf lived up to the offered promise of her strong build, as did Madge's. It remained to be seen how well Shufflebottom played. Teddy teed off third, at Shufflebottom's insistence, then Teddy stood back to get a good look at Shufflebottom's game.

It seemed straight enough but Teddy had a strong feeling he was being played, in more sense than one, and the feeling intensified when he won the round thanks to an unlucky shot by Shufflebottom.

Shufflebottom smiled, a strangely satisfied look in his eyes as he joined in with Madge and Flo in praising Teddy's playing.

He continued his flummery after they'd returned home for lunch. Naturally, George had insisted Madge and Flo stay.

"Oh, yes, Tedders is too much of a player for me!" Shufflebottom claimed, laughing.

"Teddy is good at everything! Aren't you, Teddybear?" Madge said, a horribly sappy tone in her voice.

Teddy forced himself to smile. "It was a lucky shot, that was all. There were only a few points in it, in the end."

"We'll have to have a rematch, Tedders! Just you and me." Shufflebottom's smile widened and Teddy was unpleasantly reminded of a shark.

"What an excellent idea!" George said, looking pleased. 

If it hadn't been for his agreement with George, Teddy would have refused. As it was, perhaps Shufflebottom would be more talkative without witnesses.

"I'm afraid it'll have to wait until the weekend though," Shufflebottom said. "My mother's coming into town tomorrow. She's taking Flo and Madge home with her for the weekend."

"Will you miss me while I'm gone, Teddybear?" Madge asked, turning her annoyingly adoring gaze to him.

"Oh, rather." Teddy forced another smile for her. At least he wouldn't have to spend more time with her while playing spy for George. His smile widened as he realised this would give him an opportunity to meet Rose in private. At last!

~~~

Rose put down her teacup and hurried to the hall when the telephone rang. Although Miss Cartwright was gone from the Friday until the Monday, she still expected high standards from her maids, and letting the telephone ring too long was just not done. Rose lifted the receiver. "Miss Cartwright's residence?"

"Rose, is that you?"

She clutched the receiver to her chest, her heart pounding at the sound of his voice. "Mr. Teddy!" Despite it all, she couldn't help but feel a thrill.

"Are they gone?"

"Miss Cartwright and Miss Abernathy?" Rose clarified. "They left for the country this morning."

"Good. Rose, I must see you! I have to explain."

Rose's knees trembled again at the deep, demanding tone of his voice. "Oh, Mr. Teddy, there's nothing to explain. I know I'm no one."

"That's not true! You're not no one to me, Rose. Please, let me come and see you!"

She was weak, she knew it, but she couldn't deny him this. "Yes."

"I shall arrive in twenty minutes. Goodbye."

Rose managed a, "Goodbye," then put the phone down. Susan had gone to visit her parents and wouldn't return until the next afternoon. Rose would be alone with Mr. Teddy. She clasped her hands together and tried to stem the hope that surged within her. Mr. Teddy was a toff and she was just a housemaid. It was unthinkable that his intentions were honourable, and yet... He was so gentle and kind. The softness of his tone mixed with his intense gaze and the light reflecting off his eyeglass... Rose couldn't believe anything bad of him.

The twenty minutes passed quickly with Rose caught between hope and despair, then the doorbell rang. Rose flew to open the door. As soon as it opened, she found herself caught up in a strong embrace as he peppered kisses all over her face.

"Oh, Mr Teddy!"

Her voice seemed to bring him to his senses and he released her, much to her disappointment.

"Forgive me, Rose." He pushed the door shut behind him. "Seeing you again, I lost my mind."

Rose felt her heart sink but he grabbed her hands and held them to his chest.

"You must think I'm a cad but my intentions are honourable - you must believe that. I want you as my wife, Rose."

"Oh, Mr Teddy!" Rose had never felt happier.

"I give you my word, as soon as I can I'll chuck this whole thing up and take you away from here."

"What whole thing?"

Mr. Teddy let go of her hands and began to pace. "It's my brother's Union Jack Rubber Company. Shufflebottom is up to something. He has information about the company - things only my brother should know. I need to find out how Shufflebottom knows - who he knows. Until then, I have to pretend to be his friend. Even worse, Madge Cartwright thinks I love her."

It was obvious he didn't. The look of revulsion on his face told Rose everything.

"Oh, my poor Mr. Teddy!"

He turned to her, his face lightening. "Call me Teddy."

~~~

They spent the day together and Rose felt she'd never had such happiness before. Despite the longing in his voice and the strength in his arms when he held her that spoke of the passion hiding behind his shiny eyeglass, Mr. Teddy would not spend the night under the same roof.

"Not until I can hold you in my arms and never let you go!" he declared.

He left as darkness fell and the air carried a hint of winter frost. As Rose closed and locked the door behind him, she thought she would never be cold while she had the warmth of Mr. Teddy's love.

~~~

Morning, however, brought disaster.

Rose had just finished the morning chores when she heard a car pull up outside. For a moment, she thought it was Mr. Teddy, but a look out of the window showed Miss Cartwright hurriedly getting out of Mr. Shufflebottom's car. Rose ran to the door and opened it just in time for Miss Cartwright to stagger in, one hand clutching her pearls while the other was pointed at Rose as Miss Cartwright uttered an accusatory, "You!"

Guilt flooded Rose's face with colour.

Mr. Shufflebottom gave her another of those knowing looks as he escorted Miss Cartwright to a chair in the hall. "It'd be much better to confess, my girl," he said.

"Confess?" Miss Cartwright cried in throbbing tones. "Who needs a confession when she was seen clutching my Teddy to her venomous bosom and kissing him?!"

Rose wasn't entirely sure she had a venomous bosom, but pride made her retort, "He loves me, not you!"

"Wicked, wicked girl!" Miss Cartwright clutched at her pearls again. "You've led him astray with your seductive wiles!"

"No, I didn't!" Rose knew she definitely didn't have those. "He loves my shiny, scrubbed face and starched apron!"

"Then where is he today, girl, hmm?" Mr. Shufflebottom asked, a sneer in his tone. "Why didn't he arrive before us?"

As Rose remained silent, suddenly uneasy at Mr. Teddy's absence, Miss Cartwright rose to her feet and pointed once more. "Out of my house immediately!"

Rose fled for her tiny bedroom and hurriedly packed what she could. Tears prickled at her eyelashes as she ran back to the hall and out through the open doorway into the cold. As the door slammed shut behind her, she stifled a sob and hurried down the pavement toward Park Lane. Only her beloved Mr. Teddy could reassure her now.

~~~

It wasn't far to Park Lane but Rose soon became convinced there was a hulking dark shadow following her. She hurried on, her breath catching in her throat, but the footsteps behind her continued.

She rounded the corner and almost swooned with relief to see a constable on his beat. "Oh, Constable, help me, please!"

He hurried towards her, an older, fatherly-looking man in a policeman's uniform. "Now then, miss!" She clutched at his arm and he added. "What's all this?"

"Oh, Constable, there's a man following me!" Rose almost sobbed the words.

"A man?" His lined face darkened. "That's not right! We can't have men following maids about. Where will it all end?"

The footsteps grew nearer and Rose turned to face her pursuer, then stared. She was sure she knew him.

Beside her, the constable said, "That's not a man - that's Henry from the Meldrum household. Henry, what were you doing?"

"I've been trying to catch up with Rose but she was running too fast. I've got a message for her from the Honourable Teddy."

"Terrible things were happening to them last night!" the constable said, ominously.

Rose looked from Henry to him, her heart beating faster at the thought of her beloved Mr. Teddy being in danger. "What's happened?"

"A person or persons unknown committed arson on or around midnight on business premises last night." The constable looked grave.

Rose gazed at him blankly.

"Someone tried to burn down the Union Jack Rubber Company!" Henry explained.

Rose felt her heart give a huge lurch. "Mr. Teddy!"

"Oh, he's all right! It's just they were up half the night dealing with the police."

"Well then, that's all sorted," the constable said. "Now then, miss, is there anything else I can do for you?"

Rose shook her head. "No. Thank you, Constable." As he left, she turned to Henry. "What was Mr. Teddy's message?"

"He said they're looking for the blighter what done it and he - Mr. Teddy that is - would be around to collect you at two p.m." Henry looked her up and down. "I guess he won't need to collect you 'cause you brought your things."

"I've been given the sack." Rose stared at her feet. 'Round to collect her'? Did that mean Mr. Teddy still wanted to marry her? Rose desperately wanted it to be true.

"That don't matter though, does it?" Henry asked. "I mean, you can hardly go on working when you're married to Mr. Teddy."

Rose raised her eyes to stare at him. He was such a plain sight with his round face, round glasses, and his bowler hat making his ears stick out but, in that moment, he looked beautiful to Rose. "Is that what he said?"

"Course! He's potty about you. Come on."

Henry took her suitcase and Rose hardly felt the pavement beneath her feet as they walked to the house. Before they even got there, the front door opened and Mr. Teddy appeared.

"Rose!" he cried as he came running down the front steps.

"Mr. Teddy!" Rose went running to him.

As he clasped her hands in his and gazed adoringly into her eyes, he said. "It's all over! They found out the night watchman was working for Shufflebottom and letting him into the office at night. He tried to burn down the factory." His grasp tightened and his smile became gleeful. "When they find Shufflebottom, they're going to arrest him."

"He's with Miss Cartwright now!" Rose exclaimed.

Mr. Teddy looked even more excited and he led Rose up the steps and into the house. "Did you hear that, George? Shufflebottom is in Madge Cartwright's flat."

"Is he, by Jove! Henry, fetch the constable."

As Lord Meldrum hurried past them, Mr. Teddy led Rose into a warm drawing room and wrapped his arms tightly around her. "When we get back off honeymoon, we'll go watch Shufflebottom's trial. What do you say to that, hey?"

Rose sighed happily. She didn't mind what they did or where they went. She'd been right: She would never be cold while she had Mr. Teddy's love to keep her warm.

The end


End file.
